Feeling guilty when things are ok for you

Lately a few of my friends are really going through it. Tough times both at home and at work. I know how they feel, we’ve all been there. We look at everyone else and think ‘oh I wish my life was as simple as hers’. I know those idyllic lives aren’t always what they seem on the outside but sometimes you just want everything to be just a little bit easier.

Over the past few years my little family has been through our ups and downs, it’s all been a bit of a whirlwind, four years ago I hadn’t even met Mr S. I had a great career and was reasonably happy. Now I have a husband, a 2.5 year old, a fab house, no full-time job admittedly but it’s all pretty good. Yes there are areas I’d like to change, I’d like to push myself to have the courage to work for myself and make all my ideas reality, I would also like to know that the Rockstar will go through the ‘naughty’ phase and we will come out the other side. Apart from that we’re pretty good.

I have a set of friends that help me in many ways, I have one that dropped off food to our house for two weeks while the Rockstar was in NICU, I have a friend who I whinge too over WhatsApp and she does the same back, I have a friend/sister who knows everything about me and gives honest, really honest feedback. I have a friend for every occasion and I know if I am low one of them will spot it.

I hate that those close to me are having tough times and I try as hard as I can to help in whatever ways I can, whether it’s a phone call or sending a silly card to put a smile on their face. I am constantly thinking of them and finding ways I can help, in any small way. I just want everyone to be happy. I know that’s not always realistic.

My sister jokes with me and says I just want to fix everything. Yes maybe I do. Sometimes my life is easier when everyone around me is happy, that sounds so selfish but it’s true. I can spend my time concentrating on our relationships and having fun knowing that my friend is happy. Knowing someone is hurting is really hard.

I’ve been through times when I have felt low, and I mean really low and if it wasn’t for an unwanted busy body then I may not be here today. I say unwanted busy body but really it was a saviour, without this person butting in then I wouldn’t have asked for it and just carried on for as long as I could, feeling bloody awful.

I look back at that time now and am thankful I had one friend that made it his business to help and that spiralled in to lots of people helping. Back then I couldn’t imagine my life as it is now, so I truly believe that things do get better, at the time I know it is hard to imagine, but it does. I look in on peoples lives and can see what needs to change but it has to be done when they are ready, I’m just there to assist if they need it.

So I will be that busy body for as long as I am allowed, just letting my mates that are having a rough ride know that I am here if they need me. I hope that while I do this, they will be there for me when I go through the next patch of rough stuff, because it’s sure to happen.

We are all so busy with our lives that we may not look deep enough into our friends lives. Yes, it may feel life prying and you may have friends that keep things close to their chests, so just ask a few more questions, call instead of text, pop round for a glass of wine, just let them know you’re there.

One thing I have realised is that I have been known to spend so much time worrying about others that I’ve let parts of my life drop to the wayside, a happy medium is hard and I need learn that I can’t always help everyone. In the meantime I will give it a really good try.


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