Before everyone jumps down my throat – there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mum, I am for most of the time. I have posted before about the pros and cons to stay at home vs work. I just worry about the effect it may have on my son.
I am really keen for my son to be a nice boy. I’m not saying a mummies boy just a nice, kind caring lad. As a family we have good values and morals, we help each other, we love each other and we all muck in when we need too so I think we will be ok on that front.
I worry that two year old has come out with some comments that have made me think about how I teach him about equality. He questioned why daddy was using ‘mummy’s hoover’, I asked the same question!
If he could write a diary of our day I worry it would go something like this.
“ I woke up in the night and mummy came in to see me, she stays until I went back to sleep. Daddy stayed in bed as he has work today although mummy did say she was super tired too.
When we all got up daddy went for a shower, mummy just got dressed, I don’t really see mummy in the shower much, she says she has one when I’m asleep or at nursery, which is just as well as I’m hungry and need my breakfast. Mummy rushes around in the kitchen making me three types of breakfast as I can’t decide what I want, I sit next to daddy while he eats his breakfast and watches Peppa Pig with me. Mummy is crashing around in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and clearing up after daddy and me. She always nags daddy about wiping up the crumbs.
I cry again this morning when daddy goes to work, I don’t want daddy to go and sob for 10 minutes. Mummy looks sad that I cry for daddy and tries to make me feel better by saying we’re going to do fun things today.
We go back downstairs, mummy said she just needs to have a quick tidy up and gets the hoover out. I rarely see daddy with this noisy toy, mummy whizzes around me. She’s good at not running over my feet or my cars.
We get ready to go out and jump in mummy’s big car. Daddy’s car only has 2 seats I love going in that car. I think mummy had a sporty car before I came along.
While we’re in the car, mummy calls daddy to ask him what he wants for tea and talk about Christmas shopping. Mummy said something about doing it on Saturday while daddy is at the rugby. I know daddy can hear me so I start shouting daddy at work, daddy at work. Mummy gets a bit grumpy she asks me nicely to be quiet for a bit.
Mummy was right we do have fun today, we go to my swimming lesson, there is a girl with her daddy and I wish my daddy could come sometimes. Then we play at Mamma and Papa’s house I got all the toys out, mummy was pleased when Mamma said she would put them away. Mummy sat on the sofa and drank a warm drink. I don’t see her doing this much.
We had to pop home, as I needed some lunch. I was tired so mum had to feed me like a baby. I started to get a bit grumpy so mum popped me to bed. She said she was just popping downstairs; she looked tired so I hope she had a little nap. (She didn’t, she did some online Christmas shopping)
When mummy woke me up, she said we were going to the farm, it was cool, she said we both needed some fresh air. After that we had to go to the supermarket so mummy could buy our food. She let me have a treat as soon as we walk in to the super market; I knew we were going to be in here along time. Mummy made me practice my songs for the nursery Christmas concert while we did the shopping, she didn’t seem to mind that she looked silly doing all the actions.
We stopped to talk to a lady she knows, the lady asked if mummy was working at the moment – ‘of course she’s not, she’s looking after me’. Oh, maybe that’s what mummy does when I go to nursery. I thought it was just daddy that went to work. I never see mummy in smart clothes, we wear jeans and trainers everyday.
When we get home I decide to get every toy I own out on to the floor, I didn’t want mummy to do the washing or sit at her computer, so I ask her to sit on the floor and play with me. She does. She checks her phone sometimes and takes pictures of me playing.
After we’d played cars, trains and hide n seek mummy makes me some food and pops it on my table. She comes and sits with me with a cup of coffee. I eat it up like a good boy for her.
It’s getting dark outside and mummy starts to put all the toys away. She puts something quiet on the TV and tells me to get a book for a story. We sit on the sofa for a cuddle. I think I might be tired.
Then I hear the front door open and I hear ‘ Hello anyone home’, Hurrah it’s daddy, time to play. I jump off mum’s lap as Daddy comes running in. The room gets noisy. I watch mummy make dad a cup of tea, gives him a quick kiss and say she’s going for a wee. I don’t follow her and stand at the door as I usually do; I carry on playing with dad.
When mummy comes back, daddy and I have made a mess again; she walks through the lounge and starts cooking tea. Mummy keeps warning daddy that it’s bath time and bed soon, so we should calm down.
Mummy runs the bath and gets my pj’s ready. Daddy is the one that plays with me in the bath, mummy sometimes sits and watches, telling daddy about our day, there’s lots of things she tells him that I must have missed – she’s called the doctor, changed my nursery days, organised her birthday lunch. She always tells him I’ve been a good boy, I expect she tells him about my little tantrums later.
Mummy gets me dry and dressed in my pj’s, daddy doesn’t do it as well as mummy. He tries to play a game while he dresses me but gets in a bit of a mess. Mummy says it’s quicker if she does it.
Daddy asks if I want a story or to watch one episode of Bing. I go for the TV option the three of us lay on the bed and watch. Mum gets up to fetch my milk and comes back to take me to my room. I start to scream that I want daddy to do my milk, I want a cuddle from him. So mummy says good night and leaves us to it.
I can hear mummy ask daddy some questions about food so she must be off to cook his tea. Daddy joked and said ‘ I’ll do it when I come down darling’. I look across my bedroom, my duvet is new and my clothes for tomorrow are all ready, when did mummy do that?
I remember all the toys are still out all over the floor. Poor mummy! I drift off to sleep.
Thinking he sees me as the stay at home mum already worries me, he doesn’t see my sitting at the laptop as working. I need my son to know that I do work, just like daddy. I’m not in an office and the hours aren’t as long hours as before he was born but I do work, he just doesn’t know it!
I also run the house, making sure everyone is fed, watered and clothed whilst organising all the fun stuff too. Maybe I need daddy to do a bit more cooking and tiding up in front of Rocco!
I want him to know that mummy thrives to be the best mummy and teach him how to cook, clean and use the dishwasher! I want him to know that working hard is a good thing but I will also teach him to be caring and loving while taking the knocks that life will throw at him.
Rocco doesn’t remember the days when I worked full time in an office, as he was only 4 months when I returned back to work before being made redundant. He doesn’t remember how I sacrificed spending days with him, for a job that gave me independence. I know our current lifestyle isn’t forever, there will be days where mummy does go out to work, daddy does more at home and Rocco goes to nursery more often – how will he see our family makeup then?