What happens when I’m gone?

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I was at home last week and Loose Women was on in the background talking about whether you think about what happens when you die? not the actual after life but the people you leave behind.

As an older mum I find myself forwarding through the years wishing I could see how he has grown, what does he sound like, what sort of teenager has he become. What kind of mates will he have? I hope I have many years to come but do find myself worrying about being the super old mum at the school gates and losing touch of ‘ what’s cool’.

I have actually sat down and worked out how old he will be if I die at 80! will he handle it? He will have no siblings to share the grief with, thats when you pray you’re family will dig deep for you.

I think about how Mr S would cope without me, very well I think. He and Rocco have a great relationship and I know that our family would help him however he needed.

Which then leads me to think about what if something happens to both Mr S and I, on the odd occasion we are out together without the little man.

Where will Rocco live? as I’ve mentioned before being an older mum means Rocco has older grandparents, they aren’t ancient but they are late 60’s and I have always been one for grandparents being grandparents.

Mr S and I have a sibling each, whom we are super close and have the same morals and feelings about family as we do. They both have kids and I know with all my heart Rocco would be loved like he is their own and we would never be far from their thoughts. But would the want him as an addition? it’s a conversation I have had with my sister a few times, so I think the Rockstar would be ok. I think it’s time to get it down on paper, to make it easier for everyone.

He may not get it quite as easy as he does now, he certainly wouldn’t be allowed to sit on the floor and eat berries but hey while I’m here he can do whatever he wants….for now!

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