Do we have to like each other just because we all have babies?
It’s taken a while to come to terms with not getting up for work each day but whilst my redundancy money is in the bank, I am trying hard to relax in to mother hood and taking some time out to enjoy my boy.
I’m 45 and over the years have built a great network of mates, some with kids, some without. I don’t need new ones just because we all have new babies. Or do I?
We joined Tumble Tots, friends told me it’d be good to meet new mums and for Rocco to interact. I point out that Rocco goes to nursery two days a week so has the interaction he needs with his play mates and his cousins. Plus I don’t really feel the need to meet new mums.
I continually worry about having nothing in common with them – in most cases I am at least 15 years older than them, although on a good day I am lucky enough not to look my age. (#Check mirror to be sure)
The conversation goes like this;
- When work / maternity comes up I say that I am not working and immediately feel inadqueate, although none of them have judged me. I always add that I returned back to work when Rocco was 4 months to complete some projects, as if that makes it ok.
- They talk of their new friends they met at NCT; I didn’t go to any NCT classes due to work and early delivery.
- When the subject of our babies birth comes up, I try to play down how dramatic it was. Mums listen intentally to my story and look at Rocco with almost as much pride as I have for his strength from being so tiny.
- They learn of my pre-eclaympsia that could have escalated due to my age, they all praise me for not looking 45. It’s strange that they ask whether Rocco was IVF and I feel embarrassed to say No, I waited this long through choice, I hadn’t met Mr S as I was concentrating on my career and I was lucky enough to fall pregnant within 2 months of us ‘trying’. I always feel guilty about the speed in which we did get pregnant to my age, as I know many family and friends who are desperate to get the baby they so want.
- Then comes the competitive bit. Rocco is now 16mth old and not walking unaided. He crawls everywhere at top speed and a bit like his mum, just goes for the quickest option to get where he wants to be. He took a long time to take anything solid, he liked the puree. He chats but not many of his words make sense to anyone but him.
I have a few friends, it’s mostly my sister that I call when I need some advice – check these spots aren’t chicken pox, How can I make him take Calpol without it ending up on the walls? Talk me through controlled crying.
So do I really need more mates?
The mums are all nice enough, in fact there are two mums I would love to invite for wine one evening, (since publishing this I am seeing lots of mum 1, but I knew her anyway so that doesn’t count does it!) but I guess coffee somewhere kid friendly would be more appropriate wouldn’t it?