What difference does it make to you? Over the course of being pregnant and having my ‘not so normal’ feelings, I understood that not everyone has it as easy as I do. I was extremely lucky to be carrying this baby when I knew many of my close friends and family would love to be in my position. I found myself being careful when talking to some friends about how I felt, I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I wasn’t ungrateful, I knew I was lucky, I just didn’t want to shout it from the roof tops.
Once we had announced we were pregnant it did make me realise how my close group of friends all have very different opinions, which is a good thing especially over a bottle of wine or two! But I was asked some varied questions, well they are normal ones really. I just felt they were strange – why would they be of any concern of anyone else?
“Are you finding out what you’re having?” again another big debate. No we aren’t. Everyone knows everything about everyone these days, what with social network and all! there are very few surprises left in the world so we didn’t. There was a stage in the pregnancy that I thought it may help me bond with the bump but Mr S was keen for the surprise and I’d been such a cow to him I left him have this one!
“It’s coming out the sun roof” The views that people have when you talk about how you’re going to give birth also made me smile. I wanted a C-section, I had recovered from an ovarian cyst operation really quickly, I admit I was much younger and didn’t have a baby in tow, but I knew I’d bounce back and the thought of giving birth naturally scared me – a lot. I was worried that the way I currently felt about being pregnant wouldn’t be enough to make me find that extra push if things got tough. Mr S didn’t want me to have a c-section, he said he didn’t want to see my being cut open. I tried to explain there would be less shouting at him if we went with the sun roof option! I really wasn’t going to feel guilty about this, I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation with the midwife and consultant to convince them this was my preferred option – I was a healthy 43 yr old and there was no real reason for a c-section – not even my age. At this point.
Then came the ‘how are you going to feed?’ conversations more pressure. Mr S wanted me to breast feed, I said I would try but we shouldn’t expect it to work. You can’t take these things are granted. The baby may not like it, I may not like it. Don’t rush these decisions. Again, my mates that breast fed raved about it, those that didn’t do it, said it was too hard and gave up. I certainly wanted to try and I hate failing so there was a pretty good chance I’d try to feed but until Junior* arrived I wouldn’t make a decision.
“Oh won’t it be nice to have the summer off?” they presumed I was taking a long time off. We could afford it if we cut back a bit, it may be great weather, be nice to go to Spain and spend time with my folks. Everyone presumed. I was frowned upon when I said I actually wanted to go back to work in 5 months. “Really, surely not, you’ll regret it, you’ll miss so much, cherish the time”
I would like to think I didn’t ask these questions to my friends when they announced their happy news, I will certainly be more conscious of how my mates are feeling before asking the questions in future.
Sometimes all these decisions are taken out of your hands.. They were lifted from mine pretty smartish…
*once I’d accepted a baby was coming I gave him a nickname, it helped! I was sure it was a boy, as I said in my intro I’m always right!