Making the decision to try
Once Mr S and I had got engaged we decided we would stop trying not to get pregnant but not get hung up on getting pregnant. I was 43 after all and had no idea whether it was possible. Where we compatible? Was my body able to? Did Mr S have strong swimmers? I’ve known enough people who have been trying for years to realise that having a baby is a gift not a given.
Having a baby had never been on my ‘Wish List’, in fact the only things that sit on that list are; 1) I want my family and friends to be healthy and happy 2) A holiday on Necker island! I knew it having children was very important to Mr S and very early on in our relationship we had talked about the prospect of it not happening and our options.
I’d had numerous pre cancerous cells removed, as do many girls, had been on the pill for way too many years and had a huge Ovarian cyst removed in my 20’s, so being 43 and now wanting a baby may well be hard work. At the start of the ‘not trying’ process I was away from home organising two major events for three weeks, working all hours, drinking way too much and eating a very unhealthy diet. During that mad time I fell pregnant, I was probably only home for 3 days! Two months after saying let’s give it a go, we were pregnant.
The Happy News
I now know my initial reaction on finding out I was pregnant upsets Mr S. It went something like this “Oh well that’s ruined our holiday”. I had been out with the girls the night before and had just realised my period was late, we’d been talking about a friend of mine being a Glamorous Grandma at 43, that in itself sounds mad, but the thought me me actually being pregnant at 43 was worse. I figured I was late was down to me working so hard etc but came home and in a slightly drunken state I told Mr S. The next morning I did a test and sure enough it was positive. I can’t believe my first words were so negative. We were due to fly to Dubai that day, I’d been looking forward to letting my hair down. Mr S and I have a motto – Couples that drink together, Stay together, there would be none of that now.
I don’t remember Mr S’ reaction that morning, all I knew was we had to pack and leave the country. There wasn’t time to sit and talk this through as my father in law was taking us to the airport and we weren’t ready to share our news yet. I could hear Mr S’ mind ticking over, whilst mine was in turmoil. We were getting married in 3 months, I’d ordered my dress, it won’t fit me, I don’t want to stop work etc etc.
Not once did I think ‘how lucky am I’. I felt guilty, I have friends that are desperate for children, I have mates that have had lots of false starts and here is me getting pregnant at 43 after 2 months of not really trying.
What was wrong with me?
I do remember getting to the Virgin Clubhouse and randomly telling the hostess on the desk “I won’t be making the most of the champagne this trip as I’ve just found out I’m pregnant”. There I’d actually said it out loud so it must be true! I caught a glimpse of the smile on Mr S’ face, he thought it would be plain sailing from here…